 Many in our culture don't talk easily within the family about issues
of life, death, estates, and the inevitable distribution of
property.
But it is important that adult children
talk with their parents about their wishes and about their estate
planning.
FROM AARP:
"As you think about retirement planning, it is useful to factor
in any inheritance you might receive from your parents. Knowing how
much to expect requires a broader discussion with your parents about
estate planning, a difficult topic to broach because it involves two
subjects that are very personal and uncomfortable for most people:
money and death."
But families that wait too long to talk
about inheritances and related issues may not get to talk about them
at all.
"It is so important to discuss estate
planning with your parents while they are both mentally healthy,"
says Jim Collins, a Sarasota, Fla.-based attorney concentrating in
estate planning, probate and elder law issues. "If they wait to make
arrangements until after one of them is incapacitated in some way,
quite frankly, it takes many of their choices off of the table."
So, how do you get your parents—or even the
entire family—to start a dialogue about estate planning?
Follow
this AARP Link
Plainly, most adult children are reluctant
to bring up the subject of financial planning, often putting it off
until they notice warning signs that a parent is having trouble
managing on his own -- the teakettle burns dry, the electricity gets
turned off because of unpaid utility bills, or the parent has gotten
over his head in debt or fallen victim to a fraudulent scheme. But
usually, children don't act until they have to -- when a parent is
incapacitated or his money has been squandered.
A 1997 survey by the American Association
of Retired Persons found that two out of three adult children don't
talk with their parents about what it would take for them to
continue to live independently. And at least one national study
shows parents to be just as squeamish as their grown children about
bringing up the subject. "So many people don't deal with this until
they're faced with a health crisis or long-term care issues," McCord
said. "By that time, actions are often taken under very stressful
conditions without benefit of thoughtful, detailed, clear decisions
that could have been made had the subject been broached at an
earlier time."
It's no wonder children procrastinate. How
do you approach a father who has always proudly considered it his
role to keep family money worries to himself? Or talk delicately to
a mother who is already depressed or in poor health about allowing
you to sign checks for her without stirring up her fears about
death? Can you suggest that dad put his investments, house and bank
account in a trust -- and convey that you're doing this only because
you want the best for him?
CONSUMER HEALTH INTERACTIVE CAREMARK Link
It's also important that parents talk to
their adult children about how their passing should be managed
It may be very difficult for some adult
children who are not emotionally prepared to consider their parents
passing, but it should be done. You don't need to tell them
every detail or explain your choices, but they should know where
your will and living will documents are in your home, bank, or with
your attorney, and they should have access to these documents along
with deeds, titles, insurance policies, and other necessary papers.
You can provide children with copies, but originals may be required for
resolution of the estate.
Discussing planning with younger children
might be necessary in special circumstances, but that requires
special attention and probably the assistance of a licensed family
counselor or psychologist. Changes frighten children.
Talk to them as necessary, but get professional guidance.
Other Resources
The American Red Cross has a section about estate planning in their
EXCELLENT Guide for Disaster Preparedness.
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